We’ve all been told: “Proper sleep hygiene is the key to a good night's sleep.” Dim the lights, put away screens, drink herbal tea, take a warm bath, stretch, meditate, journal—your bedtime routine should be a carefully curated sequence to lull you into deep restful sleep. Sounds great, right?
But what if your wind-down routine becomes another to-do list? What if instead of relaxing you, it’s making you more anxious?
The Pressure to Sleep Well
In recent years sleep hygiene has become a hot topic with endless advice on how to improve sleep through carefully designed nighttime habits. The goal of sleep education is to help people prioritize sleep as part of their overall well-being, but for many it has unintentionally created a new kind of stress—the pressure to sleep perfectly.
As awareness around sleep disorders grows so does the belief that the right bedtime routine is the magic bullet. This means many are adding more and more steps to their evening regimen—avoiding blue light, drinking a specific kind of tea, using essential oils, practicing yoga, listening to guided meditations, and doing breathing exercises. Doing too much causes the evening to become an elaborate process of “getting ready for bed” rather than a natural unwinding.
When Your Wind-Down Routine Backfires
While routines can be helpful, an overstructured bedtime routine can sometimes do more harm than good. The more rules you set for yourself the more stress you create. You might start to feel like if you don’t do all the steps you won’t be able to sleep. And that’s where the trouble begins.
Suddenly getting ready for bed becomes an obligation rather than a relaxation tool. Your mind is preoccupied with following the steps correctly and instead of naturally unwinding you find yourself checking the clock, worrying if you’re “doing it right.” And when sleep doesn’t come despite doing everything right it feels even more frustrating. You might think I did everything right so why am I still awake?Ironically this stress can actually keep you up at night. When your brain starts to associate bedtime with effort, pressure and even failure it stays in a state of high alert rather than relaxation. This hyperfocus on sleep preparation can turn into performance anxiety and make sleep even more elusive.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I)
If you’ve gotten stuck in the trap of “overdoing” sleep hygiene CBT-I can help. CBT-I is the gold standard for chronic insomnia and one of its key principles is breaking the cycle of sleep anxiety and excessive bedtime rituals.
Rather than adding more steps to your nighttime routine CBT-I tells you to do less. It helps you identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviors around sleep and replace them with healthier habits and beliefs.
For example if you catch yourself thinking If I don’t do my whole routine I won’t be able to sleep CBT-I helps you challenge that thought. It teaches you that sleep is a natural biological process not something that requires a perfect set of conditions to occur.
How CBT-I Reduces Sleep Anxiety
Cognitive Restructuring – This involves recognizing and changing unhelpful thoughts about sleep. If you constantly worry about not getting enough sleep CBT-I helps you reframe those worries in a more realistic and less stressful way.
Sleep Restriction Therapy – This technique temporarily reduces the time spent in bed to consolidate sleep making it more efficient. Paradoxically this often improves sleep quality by reducing the frustration of lying awake for long periods.
Stimulus Control Therapy – This method helps to rebuild the connection between your bed and sleep. If you’ve been lying awake in bed feeling anxious you’ll be encouraged to get up and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy rather than forcing yourself to stay in bed.
Relaxation Techniques – While relaxation can be part of sleep hygiene CBT-I focuses on simple and effective methods like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation without overcomplicating the process.
Simplify Your Routine for Better Sleep
If you think you’re doing too much at bedtime here are some ways to simplify your routine and remove the pressure:
Fewer steps – Choose one or two things that really help you relax rather than trying to do every sleep hack you’ve ever heard.
Remove the sleep rules – There is no “right” way to fall asleep. Trust your body’s ability to rest rather than relying on sleep hygiene steps.
Do things you enjoy – Instead of making every pre-bed activity about sleep make it about things you actually like doing in the evening. Read because you like it not because it’s a sleep strategy.
Reframe wakefulness – If you’re awake longer than you’d like don’t panic. Lying awake sometimes is normal and fighting it only makes it worse. Instead of stressing get up and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy.
The Bottom Line: Let Sleep Happen
At the end of the day sleep is not a task to complete or a performance to perfect – it’s a natural process. If your bedtime routine is causing more stress than relaxation it may be time to step back and ask yourself: Am I doing too much?
Sometimes the best sleep hygiene is just trusting your body, letting go of the rules and letting sleep happen naturally. With a little patience and a shift in mindset you can move towards a healthier more effortless relationship with sleep.
For more tips and professional support, visit www.sandiego-therapy.com. Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anissa Bell, LMFT, and find out if this treatment approach is right for you.
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