If you’ve ever had insomnia, you know how maddening it is to lie in bed and hope to sleep. The more you try to will yourself to sleep, the more it slips away. It’s like the more you try, the further away sleep gets. One of the key techniques in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) that can help break this cycle is called stimulus control. This is based on the idea that our brains learn to associate our bed and bedroom with sleep and if we spend too much time in bed not sleeping, that connection gets weaker. We end up in a vicious cycle of tossing, turning and frustration.
So, what do you do when you can’t sleep and why is getting out of bed so important? Let’s get into it – learn more about stimulus control and how getting up and doing something else for a while can help reset your sleep pattern.
Why You Need to Get Out of Bed When You Can’t Sleep
The core of the stimulus control method is to associate your bed with sleep and relaxation, not with frustration, anxiety or just lying awake. If you stay in bed too long without sleeping you risk strengthening the association between your bed and wakefulness. Over time this makes it even harder to fall asleep in that environment and can lead to more frustration and negative thoughts around sleep.
When you’re awake for more than 20 minutes in the middle of the night it’s time to break that connection. Get out of bed and do a quiet, non-stimulating, non-stressful activity. This change of activity helps your body and mind reset and when you get back into bed you’ll have a better chance of falling asleep.
Remember the goal is not to get out of bed to exhaust yourself or expect to feel fully sleepy again. It’s to reduce the anxiety that comes with not sleeping. By changing your environment and doing something low-stress you give yourself the opportunity to let go of the pressure to sleep and sleep will be more likely to happen naturally.
How Long Should You Be Out of Bed?
If you’ve tried lying awake for a while you may be wondering “How long should I be out of bed?” The general rule of thumb is to be out of bed for about 20-30 minutes if you haven’t fallen asleep. This gives your body and mind time to relax without adding the pressure of trying to sleep. However the time can vary depending on your situation.
You want to break the cycle of lying awake and feeling frustrated but not reset your internal clock too much. Ideally you should aim to be out of bed for what feels like about 20 minutes to calm down and reset.
What Do You Do During This Reset?
When you’re up and out of bed you need something to occupy your mind without stimulating it too much. Here are a few options to consider:
Read a Book
Reading can be a great activity to calm your mind and reset your sleep cycle. Choose a book that’s enjoyable but not too engaging. You don’t want something that will keep you on the edge of your seat so avoid thrillers or anything that requires your full attention. A novel with a slower pace or something lighthearted can work wonders for you. Use a book light to keep stimulation low.
Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises are a great way to reset your nervous system and relax. A simple technique to try is the 4-7-8 method where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds and then exhale slowly for 8 seconds. This breathing exercise activates your parasympathetic nervous system and will calm your body and mind. As you focus on your breath your body will relax and you’ll be able to get back into bed in a more relaxed state.
Listen to a Sleep Story
Find content that will occupy your brain just enough without over stimulating it. As you focus on the audio your mind can let go of any anxiety or negative thoughts around sleep and you’ll be able to get back into bed with a calmer mind. One of my favorite's is Nothing Much Happens.
Meditate
Meditation is a great tool to reset your mind. Guided meditation apps or simple mindfulness exercises can help you center yourself and let go of stress. A 10-15 minute meditation can be enough to calm your body and prepare you for sleep. Focus on your breath, body sensations or a calming visualization. Even if you don’t feel sleepy right away meditation can help with anxiety and create a more relaxed environment for sleep to happen naturally.
You May Not Feel Sleepy Right Away—and That’s Okay
You may not feel sleepy after doing one of these activities and that’s okay. The goal of this reset isn’t to try and sleep but to give yourself a break from the pressure of being in bed which often makes things worse. By distracting yourself from the frustration of being awake you’re taking the pressure off and that can help sleep come more easily.
Even if you don’t feel sleepy right away the act of getting out of bed and doing a calming activity gives your mind the space to unwind. This reduces the anxiety around sleep and makes it easier to get back into bed and sleep when you’re ready.
Remember patience and consistency is key—by doing stimulus control regularly you’ll be sleeping better in no time.
For more tips and professional support, visit www.sandiego-therapy.com. Fill out the contact form to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anissa Bell, LMFT, and find out if this treatment approach is right for you.
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